i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
