My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Randomize
