Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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