dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
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