If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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