Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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