She's JV to your varsity
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
