You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Randomize
