you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
