I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
