She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
