For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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