A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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