I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
