We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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