I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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