i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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