I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
