Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Randomize
