I'd wear matching sweaters with you
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
