You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
