My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
