i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
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