I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
