btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
