I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
