like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
