Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
