I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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