Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
