i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
