was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
