No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
