I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
