u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize
