He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
