You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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