she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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