i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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