dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
