I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
