Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
a search helicopter?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
