Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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