I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just gift wrapped bread.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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