i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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