Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize