i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
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Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
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I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
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