listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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