I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He is an equal opportunity slut.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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