He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
