I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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