I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
its not stalking. its research.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
