i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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