I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
