I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
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