So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
