who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
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I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
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Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
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