things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
