We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
