i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I have feelings that need drinking.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
