My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
