he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
