so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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