God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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