I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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