as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
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he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
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Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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