Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
