Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
