i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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