So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
It was confusing and full of hummus
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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