when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
