So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
